“When Will I Feel Better?” – A Counsellor’s Perspective

One of the most common questions clients ask when they begin counselling is: “When will I feel better?” It’s an entirely natural question — after all, starting therapy often takes courage, and with that courage comes hope. While it’s impossible to give a single, clear answer that fits everyone, both psychodynamic theory and the person-centred approach offer useful ways to think about this question.

Understanding Change Through a Psychodynamic Lens

From a psychodynamic perspective, counselling is seen as a process of uncovering and understanding unconscious patterns that influence how we think, feel, and relate to others. Many of these patterns were formed in early life as a way of managing difficult emotions or

relationships, and they often operate without our conscious awareness.

In the work that I do from a psychodynamic perspective, the process of ‘feeling better’ is closely tied to ‘feeling more’. This means allowing hidden emotions — such as anger, sadness, or longing — to come to the surface, to be talked about, and understood within the safety of the therapeutic relationship. This kind of deep emotional work takes time, and progress is rarely linear.

Clients can often say to me "but I was doing so well.." "Well yes, but as we know, life itself is not linear."

Some sessions may leave you feeling lighter and more hopeful, while others might bring difficult or painful feelings closer to the surface. In this model, “feeling better” is ultimately about greater self-understanding, acceptance, and the development of new ways of relating to yourself and others.

The Person-Centred View: Trusting Your Own Process

In contrast, the person-centred approach — developed by Carl Rogers — places a deep trust in the client’s innate capacity to heal and grow, given the right therapeutic conditions.

These conditions include empathy, unconditional positive regard, and genuineness from the therapist.

From a person-centred perspective, feeling better is not something I ‘give’ to the client, nor is it about uncovering deep unconscious content. Instead, it’s about creating a safe, accepting space where the client can come into deeper contact with their own emotions, values, and sense of self. As clients feel truly heard and accepted, they often become more confident in making choices that align with who they really are — rather than who they’ve been told they should be.

While some clients experience a sense of relief or clarity quite quickly, for others, particularly those who have experienced significant trauma or invalidation, this process can be slow and uneven. Person-centred therapy respects that each person’s process unfolds in its own time.

So, When Will I Feel Better?

There’s no universal answer to this question. In both approaches, change happens in relationship — through experiencing new ways of being understood, supported, and seen. In psychodynamic therapy, you might start to feel better as you understand your patterns and begin to make sense of your emotional world. In person-centred therapy, you might feel better as you develop a stronger, more compassionate connection with yourself.

In both cases, progress is not about a straight line toward ‘happiness’ but rather about becoming more fully yourself — with all the complexity, courage, and resilience that involves.

If you’ve been wondering when you’ll feel better, you’re not alone. It’s a question I always expect to hear. Rather than offering a quick fix or false promise, I will offer you something much deeper — a process where your own story, feelings, and truth can unfold in their own time, with compassionate support along the way.

If you’re curious about how counselling might support you, or if you want to talk about your own hopes for therapy, I would be happy to explore this with you.